Choose Marriage.

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Choose marriage. Choose well. Choose to work on yourself first, choose to figure out who you are, choose to be healthy. Choose to believe that you are worthy of a good love.  Choose to come together not as two halves to form a whole, as if marriages were meant to repair you, but as two wholes to form a partnership. 

Choose to overcome your fear of getting hitched. Choose to give up your list of what you want in a man, because lists are for groceries. Choose to relinquish your insecure belief that you should hold out for someone better to come along. Choose to give her a chance. Choose to give him a chance. Choose to believe that you’ll know when you know.

Choose to learn to give up your inherent selfishness. Choose to let her into your life once filled only with other boys, Playstation games and soccer. Choose to let him into your world once known only to yourself. Choose doing things they like because it’s important to them. Choose that, because what is important to them is now important to you.   

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Choose to believe that you will not end up like your parents did. Choose to believe that you will end up exactly like your parents did. Choose to see a better version of them. Choose to stop trying to change him. Choose to change naturally because that’s what a good love does to you.

Choose against massive public displays of affection because what really matters is how you treat them when no one is around to see it. Choose dinner dates and long walks in the park. Choose unawkward silences. Choose knowing glances. Choose inside jokes. Choose to laugh at the same old jokes, with rolled eyes,  even though you’ve heard them a hundred times before.

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Choose to be each other’s sounding board. Choose to talk about your day even when you don’t feel like it. You won’t have a choice, but you will get used to it. Choose to be soothed by her reassurances when you are convinced that the whole world is about to explode. Choose to pull her close and tell her that it’s going to be okay.

Choose not to carry the world upon your shoulder because now that weight is shared. Choose to share the housework. Choose ironing because she hates it. Choose doing the dishes because you love her (and won’t subject her to your cooking). Choose to be great at eating what she cooks. Choose to be a dog person. Choose to love cats. Choose her waking you up when she can’t sleep so you can talk. Choose to stroke her head to soothe her to sleep. Choose to unconsciously inch your body towards her warmth when you sleep.

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Choose arguments. Choose threshing it out with each other in the safety of your love. Choose anger, choose honesty, choose your words carefully. Choose forgiveness. Choose to say sorry even if it is not necessarily your fault. Choose to give up your right to be right. Choose to make up and make peace and make love.

Choose trust. Choose to be secure in your love. Choose to believe that she can hang out with other men and not threaten your love. Choose to be able to hang out with your own friends and not have her feel threatened. Choose to come back to each other at the end of the day and quietly renew your commitment to each other with ‘I love you because…’

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Choose to worry less about what other people think about you because at the end of the day she still loves you. Choose her knowing you almost better than you know yourself. Choose her loving you anyway and encouraging you to do what makes you come alive. Choose to give her the space to do what makes her come alive.

Choose love. Choose to commit to that love, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do you part. Choose marriage.

People throw around ‘happily ever after’ as if all marriages could be summarised as such, as if it were a foregone conclusion. It is not. It is something that needs to be guarded and nurtured, it is a sum total of all our choices. Choose well. 

24 thoughts on “Choose Marriage.

  1. I am very very happy for you, knowing you are happily married and wish you both grow together in this unique life-long love for each other and the partnership. Surely God shall be the centre of this love too.

    God Bless!

  2. My husband and I are coming to two months old and this is definitely a great read for newly weds like us. Thank you for sharing and allowing us to read your beautiful thought.

    • Congratulations to the both of you, and here’s wishing you a great life ahead together! Thank you again for reading.

  3. I am so happy with myself at the fact that I chose to read this!!!!! I will definitely work on choosing to give up my right to always being right! I am also happy that after 10 years next year we decided to get married. Just got engaged and I’m like why didn’t I do it much earlier! Hah!probably because I didn’t read this any earlier? 🙂

  4. “Choose doing things they like because it’s important to them. Choose that, because what is important to them is now important to you.” well said … i felt happy because i choose to read this !!

    • Fair question. All the photos used for this blogpost is from a paid subscription to a stock photo library. The top one is from our very own wedding.

  5. Pingback: Choose marriage | my life journey

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  7. its so beautiful and true about marriage 🙂 I look forward to my marriage life after my wedding this Sept. Thank you for sharing.

  8. Thought you’d be tickled to know that my fiancee and I found this post and loved it so much we decided to have a shortened version of it used as a wedding reading. And so, last Sunday, August 24, in New Jersey, USA, our wedding guests were treated to a reading of “Choose Marriage: adapted from a text by Heng Khuen.” The minister liked it so much he asked if I could send him a copy afterwards.

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful, touching, and funny words!

  9. …if you’re curious, our adapted “perfect for a unique wedding reading” version was:

    Choose marriage. Choose well. Choose to believe that you are worthy of a good love. Choose to come together not as two halves to form a whole, as if marriages were meant to repair you, but as two wholes to form a partnership.
    Choose to overcome your fear of getting hitched. Choose to give up your list of what you want in a man or woman, because lists are for groceries. Choose to give her a chance. Choose to give him a chance. Choose to believe that you’ll know when you know.
    Choose to learn to give up your inherent selfishness. Choose to let her into your life once filled only with other boys, Nintendo games, and sports. Choose to let him into your world once known only to yourself.
    Choose dinner dates and long walks in the park. Choose un-awkward silences. Choose knowing glances. Choose against massive public displays of affection because what really matters is how you treat them when no one is around to see it. Choose inside jokes. Choose to laugh at the same old jokes, with rolled eyes, even though you’ve heard them a hundred times before.
    Choose not to carry the world upon your shoulder because now that weight is shared. Choose to share the housework. Choose ironing because she hates it. Choose doing the dishes because you love him. Choose to be great at eating what your spouse cooks.
    Choose arguments. Choose threshing it out with each other in the safety of your love. Choose honesty, choose to argue passionately, choose your words carefully. Then choose forgiveness. Choose to say sorry even if it is not necessarily your fault. Choose to give up your right to be right. Choose to make up and make peace and make love.
    Choose to worry less about what other people think about you because at the end of the day she still loves you. Choose her knowing you better than you know yourself. Choose her loving you anyway and encouraging you to do what makes you come alive. Choose to give her the space to do what makes her come alive.
    Choose love. Choose to commit to that love, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do you part. Choose “I do.” Choose marriage.
    People throw around “happily ever after” as if all marriages could be condensed to a single choice you make on your wedding day. It’s not. A marriage is the sum total of all the choices both of you have made that brought you to this day, and all the choices you will make from this day forward.
    And so…choose wisely.

    • Awww… Loved the “wedding reading” adaptation!

      I am truly humbled that these thoughts had made their way all the way to your beautiful wedding in New Jersey USA – it’s still a mind-blowing thing when you think about it properly, but I guess such is the wonders of the internet.

      Blessings for your marriage ahead – I wish you not just all the happiness but the fullness of marriage, and trust you both will continue to choose wisely and well!

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